Ladies and Gentlemen,
In tribute to old school romance, the gallantry and gentlemanliness we used to see in our classic black and white movies - and which believe it or not, even the most modern women would love to have it from time to time -, I figured this refresher might help make your celebration dinners unforgettable. It will cover the important etiquette points from how to eat and dress up, to how to treat your lady like a gentleman.
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| Faten Hamama and Omar Al Sharif |
BEFORE WE START
Valentine's is close, and it is a good chance to try those tips out.
I do not see Valentine’s day exclusive to couples. For me it is a day to celebrate love, be it between couples, friends, or family. If you are single I suggest you spend quality time with your parents or closest friends, sharing the celebration.
In case you find the “Be my Valentine’s” and “I love you!” everywhere in red too cheesy for you, plan your dinner at home and invite your loved guests.
So if you are single, please read this article!
Etiquette mainly appears when there are men and women in the same place or area, it is basically the rules of how to deal with ladies. Most of its origins seem to have come from Europe, with all the fancy bourgeoisie and lifestyle. Practically, most leading etiquette rules are addressed to gentlemen, therefore it was easier for me to address the Gentleman in the coming points. However, few points are exclusive to ladies, and many - for example: table manners - are common for Ladies and Gentlemen. So although I am addressing the gentlemen, if you are a lady or young lady, please read this article!
Etiquette is not only about rules, rather a combination of common sense, presentation and communication skills, body language, eye contact, general hygiene, styling… etc. Being a modern gentleman is easy, will cost you nothing and will sure impress your lady. So the coming bullet points are to help the gentleman (or lady) inside you to be more obvious on a special day and accentuate the moment! The point is to be a gentleman and not act like one! Otherwise, it becomes cheesy and deceptive.
NOW LET'S TALK BUSINESS...
At the dinning table...
The napkin:
- Immediately after sitting at the dining table, a gentleman unfolds his napkin and puts it in his lap. As the host, your guests will be waiting for this queue so they follow by doing the same.
- The napkin then goes on your chair if you stand up (to use the restroom), and when you finish eating, partially fold it and place it to the left of your plate.
The utensils:
- Always start with the fork on the outside, and work your way in, from course to course. So the outward fork (light green) on the left is for salad, the inward one is for the main course and the top one (violet) is for your dessert. Same goes for knives and spoons.
- The water glass (the blue one) is the one above the dinner knife, most on the left from your right side.
- When you finish eating, leave your utensils in a 10:20 position, or straight in the center of your plate. Either ways, never let the handles touch the table, and never leave the utensils beside the plate.
- Hold your utensils properly, you are not cutting meat at a butcher’s shop.
- Don’t use your hands, and don’t directly eat from a dish that serves all the table members (take some on your plate and eat from there).
- Use your utensils for eating, not gesturing.
Your other accessories:
- The second a gentleman sits down at the table, he turns off his cell phone or at least makes it silent.
- Don’t put your cell phone, keys, or purse on the table.
- You may reapply your lipstick, but don’t freshen the rest of your makeup at the table.
Ordering:
- A gentleman will not order for his lady unless she asks for it. "The lady would like to order first" should be understood by your server.
- Order the same or a close number of courses as your guest to avoid making her feel awkward and to pace yourself with her dining course.
- Wait until your guest’s food arrive too before picking up your utensils.
- Take your time eating and pause every few bites. You do not want to rush your guest, you are enjoying her company.
Posture and body language:
- Sit up straight. Leaning backwards reflects that you are uninterested while leaning too forward might intimidate your lady.
- Keep your elbows off the table and rest your unused hand in your lap.
- Avoid burping or making other rude sounds.
- Bread should be cut in bite size, and buttered once, on a plate not in the air, one bite at a time.
- Scoop your soup away from you.
- Taste your food before you add salt, pepper, or other seasoning or condiments. Doing otherwise may be insulting to the chef/host.
- Don’t reach across the table to taste her food.
- Don’t cut all your food before you begin eating. Cut one or two bites at a time.
- Look into (not over) the cup or glass when drinking.
- Never blow on your food. If it is hot, wait a few minutes for it to cool off.
- Wipe your fingers and mouth often with your napkin.
- Never talk with your mouth full.
- Never use a toothpick or dental floss at the table.
Service and waiters:
- A gentleman expects courteous behavior from his server. He behaves courteously in return.
- Call the waiter with eye contact, and if he is not attentive, slightly raise your right hand with your index finger a bit lifted to grab his attention but never clap (he is not your slave), never whistle (he is not your pet) and if you must give up the manners and use your voice, be polite.
- If the food has something wrong, you should inform the server immediately and politely.
- If you spill something, signal one of the servers to help.
- If you are not happy with the service, complain to the manager. It is not your role to educate or train the server.
At everywhere else...
Treating your lady like a gentleman:
- A gentleman will previously make a reservation in a restaurant he can afford, with a menu that suits his guest’s taste, and when the check arrives he reaches for it, put his card in, and say no word about it.
- Hold the door to her and open the car’s door too. Even though she can do it herself, it is the thought that counts. Yet do not make a show about it, do not exert too much effort that will make you look silly.
- Enter the taxi first, if your lady is wearing a skirt or dress, it’s harder for her to move to the other side. Also because the driver’s front mirror will be viewing your lady If she is the one sitting behind his seat.
- If you walk with her, be in the street side of the pavement. If something is going to hit you, neither sides will save you, but again, it is the thought that counts.
- Offer her your arm.
- Watch your language.
- Offer your jacket if she’s chilled.
- Introduce her if people you know came across.
- Compliment her, listen, entertain her and make her feel she is the center of attention (not the food, the place, the latest updates of the football game…. Just her).
- Maintain eye contact when your lady is speaking to you, do not stare at her body or her lips, look her in her eyes.
- Help her with the chair when sitting down or standing up.
- If she drops something, help her get it.
Dress nicely:
- Don't wear more than 13 pieces of accessories (Your keys, wallet, watch, belt, hat, and every button in your shirt count. Your purse, necklace, shoe jewel, ring, bracelet and each of your earrings also count).
- Your clothes do not need to be expensive or à la mode, but they must be clean and neat.
- Take care when wearing perfumes, if you heard “That’s a nice perfume!” from someone who did not kiss you when saluting you, be sure that you are wearing too much.
- A gentleman tucks his shirttail, keeps his pants pulled up as he does not show his underwear in public and removes his hat as soon as he sits on the table.
I know it sounds too much, but if you choose to apply what you could grasp, it will make a difference.
References:
John Bridges – How to be a gentleman
Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick of The Etiquette School of New York.
Communication and Presentation skills course - University of Nantes.
businessinsider.com
etiquette.about.com
Personal experiences!
Visual aid is from the internet and post edited by me.
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